With all due respect to David Letterman, many of his fans deeply miss his “Top Ten Lists”. In that same spirit here’s how we might have imagined a “Top Ten List” might have gone down for the Michigan Uber driver who went berserk…
10. While in his Uber car, he constantly jokes about having just escaped from a maximum security prison.
9. His orange jumpsuit sure doesn’t say Uber on the back of it.
8. He constantly complains that his leg chains make it difficult to drive the car.
7. He seems abnormally “shooty” if you don’t tip him well for the ride.
6. His small talk seems a little more obsessed with mass murder than most Uber drivers.
5. The ride in the car is more lumpy than usual because of all the guns.
4. He makes side trips to shoot people while you have to wait for him to finish before he resumes driving.
3. He has a middle name. Murderers always have middle names.
2. He asks you, his fare, to look out for police.
1. His favorite band is Death Cab For Cutie.