It’s not clear at this point if Sheryl Crow is denying that she basically Tweeted a picture of her pink panties to the entire world last night, but unnamed sources have indicated that she’s hired lawyers and private investigators to get to the bottom of it.
If you haven’t heard the big news from the CMT Awards last night, this is most likely due to the fact that you’re not a hillbilly and actually have a life. The event, if we can call it an event, occurred sometime after Shania Twain slipped and fell (we’re tracking down sources that swear she was smashed), and everyone outside of Nashville changing the channel, Sheryl Crow paid a PG-13 homage to Sharon Stone. For you rubes who don’t know the reference, so sorry. Put down your sister and look it up.
While performing a live number with the less and less relevant Kid Rock, the 49-year-old Crow showed us all why cotton really is the fabric of our lives. Crow no doubt inspired a dozen more ridiculous country songs as America caught a brief snatch of her pink panties.
In an attempt to make themselves appear smarter to the civilized world, the rednecks at CMT are attempting to sell this as a “wardrobe malfunction“. Very cosmopolitan, don’t you think? In reality, Crow—free from both breast- and testicular-cancer since 2006—was wearing a short dress, uncrossed her legs as she stood, and world caught a 2-second glimpse of her pink undies.
The real scandal, of course, is that one of their own A) actually owns a pair of underwear, and B) was wearing them. Maybe this is the wardrobe malfunction to which they’re referencing. Many who attended last night’s hootenanny swear the audience was gasping and whispering, “What is she wearing?” at what is now being referred to as the “2011 Country Music Highlight of the Year”.
For my money I say parlay this, um, exposure to your benefit, CMT. Change the name CMT—Country Music Television—to C My Thong, pick a country artist each year to provide the high point of the night, and see if you can’t get more than just the poor part of Nashville to tune in. Oh, and a cautionary word of advice because I just know what will happen if nothing is said, avoid the temptation to tap Jason Aldean for the honors next season.