Thousands of people showed up at Detroit’s Fox Theater last night to watch Charlie Sheen’s “Torpedo of Truth” tour. Unfortunately, the fans were the ones torpedoed.
One of the most unstable guys on the planet, Charlie Sheen, felt the need to parlay his insanity into one more laugh-track, so he put together a one-man, two-woman show called the “Torpedo of Truth”, which is billed as a rant-filled rampage that is simultaneously supposed to be humorous and insightful. Sadly, it was neither.
Sheen’s two stagehands, affectionately called “goddesses” by him, carried placards onto the stage with the words “War” and “Lock” on them, a reference to Sheen’s description of himself as a warlock. However, long before the 70-minute opening show was over, paying fans had filed out by the hundreds—perhaps thousands—with many chanting “refund” as they did so. Sheen was forced to thank the remaining fans for staying behind, possibly promising to unlock the chains that kept them in their seats just as quickly as humanly, er, warlockerly possible. And all this time I thought warlocks had special powers.
The salient point of any rant, of course, is that it must have a point, otherwise it’s pretty much the same drivel any sandwich-board wearing street-corner doomsayer is hawking. Perhaps Sheen, the ex-star of ABC’s Two and a Half Men, simply doesn’t understand the art of the rant. This is really quite inexcusable considering the complete bodies of work by our modern era’s major league ranters—Bill Maher, Dennis Miller, and George Carlin—are readily available for study, insight, and of course laughs galore.
So, one city down, 19 to go, and the only consensus about the “Torpedo of Truth” tour is that it’s about 19 cities too many. A shame, really, because if this keeps up, Sheen will have us all clamoring for the return the Emilio guy he used to hang out with. I think I just got shivers down my spine.